Sleep Training
As new parents embark on the crazy journey of raising a baby, the desire for a good night's sleep can become a concern. Enter the world of sleep training – a topic that sparks both curiosity and apprehension among parents seeking to establish healthy sleep habits for their little ones. In this post we share our experiences getting our babies to get some good sleep.
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Grace
I would say we were totally winging it when it came to Parker’s schedule. When she was a newborn she was sleeping all the time but she “went to bed” around 10pm or basically when we got into bed. She was up every 2ish hours eating for a few weeks until we got her tongue tie clipped. Once we did that, she was starting to get enough calories during the day, helping her sleep longer stretches at night. First she would sleep until around 2am, then until 4am, then until 6:30am and it was truly life changing once we all started getting good sleep. We feel extremely lucky to have a good sleeper because that’s not always the case for everyone!
Her sleep schedule really didn’t matter to us until I went back to work. Even then we were pretty loose with it. When she was acting like she was getting tired, we would put her down for a nap and just make sure to wake her up if she was going to sleep more than 2 hours at a time. Once she got a little older, maybe like 4-5 months we started more of a schedule. We wanted to get past the 4 month sleep regression before trying to get her on a real schedule. The 4 month sleep regression lasted about 3 weeks for us and was pretty brutal. We did the “cry it out” method which sucked super, super bad, but it only took Parker a day to figure it out, which is really fast. The first time we did it was for a nap and she cried for about 45 minutes. I also cried sitting at my computer trying to work because I felt so bad but I knew if we could get through it, it would be worth it. When we put her down for bed that same day, she only cried for 10 minutes and then fell asleep. Since then she of course will cry sometimes, but it’s usually just because she’s tired and gets over it within a minute or two and puts herself to sleep.
Things we do for sleep that work for us are:
We put her down awake. Not even drowsy, but wide awake. She learned how to self soothe early on and falls asleep pretty quickly on her own. There are of course some times where she needs some extra love and needs to be comforted or rocked, but this is what has worked for us personally.
We don’t have black out curtains in her room. Her room isn’t pitch black for sleeping. She naps perfectly fine in light and can fall asleep for bedtime just fine, even when it’s still light out.
We don’t follow an exact schedule, but instead just follow rough wake windows. We let her wake up in the morning on her own, so the time varies, usually between 6-7:30am. We would just note what time she woke up and put her down roughly 2-3 hours after that. She’s been a two nap gal for quite a while, so there was always time for two no matter what time she woke up.
We have put her down for bed around 6pm for quite a while now. That might seem so early (and it is!) but it’s what works for us for now. She doesn’t always necessarily fall asleep right away, but she’s in her crib resting or working on her new fun skills like waving until she falls asleep.
We have a sound machine on in her room but we also put a small portable one outside her closed door. Sound carries in our house and we didn’t want to have to tiptoe around when she was sleeping so this seems to help drown out any house sounds while she’s asleep. We turn it off when we go to bed because the house is quiet then.
There are quite a few things you can try if your baby isn’t sleeping well! Instagram is full of great accounts that can provide tips or you can get some advice from your pediatrician. It can be really stressful if your baby is protesting naps because they need sleep and mamas need some free time! Sleep deprivation is so real, so it can be really hard to function when your baby doesn’t sleep well at night. The one piece of advice I have regarding sleep is try your best not to stress about it (easier said than done!) because you can only control so much. You can try everything under the sun to get your baby to sleep and they still might not, so just try to go with the flow and just do your best!
Meesh
Needless to say by the 4 month sleep regression, my husband and I were ready to sleep through the night. Thea had been in her nursery in the Snoo since she was 3 months old and since I wasn't breastfeeding, we would take turns getting up with her and having her in another room allowed the other parent to sleep through when it wasn’t their turn. We both knew at 5 months (with the okay from her doctor) that we would be sleep training. Since Thea was born, I religiously followed Taking Cara Babies sleep advice. I took all of her classes, read every blog and followed her on instagram and (thankfully) her approach worked for Thea. So I pretty much knew I was going to use her sleep training class for when we were ready. Mon used the Ferber method with the twins so I looked into that as well. Mon and the boys are conveniently 5 months ahead of us on all development so she had already been through sleep training when it was our turn. Between her and my other mom friends with toddlers I was asking them all the questions and pretty much just looking for words of encouragement.
Taking Cara of Babies and Ferber are very similar so I decided to use both. The idea behind both methods is to put baby down awake and leave the room, even if they are crying. If they are still crying after five minutes, go in and comfort them for about 30 seconds but do not pick them up. The next time you go in would be 7-10 minutes later, then 12-15 and you continue that until they fall asleep and every time they wake throughout the night. It’s definitely not easy and those minutes where they are crying are the longest minutes of your life. I highly recommend stepping outside or putting in headphones :(.The first night, Thea woke up three times and each time took about 50 minutes for her to go back to sleep. Night two and three, one time and only took about 20 minutes. By the fourth night, she was sleeping through the night!
I kept telling myself that one week of no sleep was worth it if it meant setting her up for strong independent sleep skills, We knew we would be sleep training Thea but if you are on the fence or are having a hard time, keep trying- you’re doing great and you and your baby will sleep again!
Mon
Sleep was the most difficult thing for us. My husband was traumatized. We had it extremely rough. The boys had reflux and just didn’t sleep unless they were lying on us. We’d get maybe an hour if they were in a slightly elevated position in their doc-a-tots. Our pediatrician didn’t really know what to do, we had a doula come and she didn’t know what to do, and we definitely didn’t know what to do. Reflux medicine didn’t help much and we didn’t want them on a medication that wasn’t helping, so after two weeks, we ditched that.
About a month in we were completely sleep-deprived and would only get sleep when our parents came to help, so we decided to implement a sleep shift schedule. I’d be awake with them from 3 pm to 11 pm while Joey slept and Joey was with them from 11 pm to 7 am while I slept. The person on duty would rock them and feed them throughout the night and usually end up just holding them while they slept on us. It was really hard but at least we were getting sleep. I’d pump so Joey could bottle feed and then pump again in the middle of my sleep shift so he had more for the next feeding. We had to figure out how to feed two at the same time very early on. We thought we’d just have to make it four mounts. Everyone kept giving us that timeframe, but nope they still were barely sleeping, and their reflux wasn’t much better. I remember we’d get so excited if they slept for over 2 hours at one time. This went on and on with the doctor giving us different things to try and nothing working.
Finally, at 6 months we tried a gentle approach to sleep training. It didn’t work. They were in their cribs at this point and sleeping for about an hour before waking up and crying. At about 7 months when Joey was about to go back to work, we decided to do the old-school gradual release sleep training. The same one Joey’s mom did with him in the 80’s. I was so hesitant to do this because there are so many people on the internet saying you’ll ruin your attachment with your child and they aren’t learning to sleep but learning not to cry. However, this was the best thing we ever did. We were on the brink of losing it and it was our last resort. Within 3 days it worked. They were sleeping 8 and then 10 hours. We couldn’t believe it!
They have been sleeping well ever since. When they do wake up they reach for a stuffy, binky, roll around, or try some other self-soothing strategy. I am so grateful everyone is sleeping soundly because there was a time we didn’t think this day would come.
We have a very set routine. We go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. We brush teeth, read books, sing, and say goodnight. Their room is really dark and they have a sound machine on. This makes it a bit harder when we travel but it’s all things that help them to get a good night's sleep.
